Guilty of#4............................................Guilty of #9.........................Guilty of #8
After all the time I have spent on the beach in my days I am beginning to wonder about some obviously bold choices that are happening when people run away from their lives to tropical destinations.
I have a few questions to ask about 1/3 of the tourists who walked the beach in Cayman over the past week: Is there a shortage of mirrors on the island? Is bathing suit material slowly becoming extinct? Did you forget to pack your "good" suit and were forced to buy something 5 sizes too small in the hotel gift shop? Is your husband wearing your bikini bottom?
I have come to realize that people really must not care about what they look like in a bathing suit. I am by no means implying that I have a beach ready body (Lord knows I'm trying very hard to improve it) but I would like to at least think I know how to cover up my lumps, bumps and jiggly bits in respectable beach attire.
The offenders - You know who you are. I would like to address the top ten beach no-no's:
1) The "Itsy bitsy teeny weenie Grandma bikini" - yes, that is correct, I said Grandma. When I think of a Grandma I think of a sweet lady who likes tea, cookies and housecoats - not an outrageously scandalous bikini that doesn't support in the right places. Granted some Grandma's today look pretty good so please use the bikini at your own discretion
2) The "Hairy Scary" - Is that guy wearing a sweater on the beach? He must be hot...oh wait...that's not a sweater. Okay - let's take it upon ourselves to notice when it might be time to book that esthetics appointment so you are not scaring little ones on the beach
3) The "Is that person a local?" - How is it humanly possible that some people can tan themselves chocolate brown? Not to generalize but have you ever noticed it's usually someone who also might receive the seniors discount at the movie theatre? And why are they wearing Richard Simmons workout shorts? I don't get it
4) The "Banana hammock" - Please, Please...just say no - especially to the high cuts
5) The "Euro" - This was a name we collectively though of for those tight boy short bathing suits. The #1 offender was white as snow, looked like he was from Europe, didn't speak English and had a Burberry check print suit on. I'll never look at Burberry the same
6) The "Is she or isn't she" - Is that a baby bump, a post baby bump or did you just have a burger? Please avoid some possible awkward conversation moments and choose your suit wisely!
7) The "Cheek Eater" - I have never seen anything like it. It wasn't a thong and it wasn't a full bum but it certainly looked like she was going to have a hard time getting it off
8) The "Bring back the 80's multi-layer look" - I saw a lady wearing a beach cover up, water shoes and a neon pink wet suit vest over top, complete with visor. Her husband was also appropriately paired with a neon yellow t-shirt and shorts. Apparently the last time they were on the beach was in 1989
9) The "Please don't jump up and down" - I realize that you don't want tan lines but do you know they actually have very supportive strapless bathing suits?
10) The "Metallic Lover" - There is a time and a place for everything and the beach is no place for metallic
There we have it. Just my opinion - not intended to offend anyone - just to create an awareness of avoiding as much visual pollution as possible while on the beach! Thank you for your time.
I have a few questions to ask about 1/3 of the tourists who walked the beach in Cayman over the past week: Is there a shortage of mirrors on the island? Is bathing suit material slowly becoming extinct? Did you forget to pack your "good" suit and were forced to buy something 5 sizes too small in the hotel gift shop? Is your husband wearing your bikini bottom?
I have come to realize that people really must not care about what they look like in a bathing suit. I am by no means implying that I have a beach ready body (Lord knows I'm trying very hard to improve it) but I would like to at least think I know how to cover up my lumps, bumps and jiggly bits in respectable beach attire.
The offenders - You know who you are. I would like to address the top ten beach no-no's:
1) The "Itsy bitsy teeny weenie Grandma bikini" - yes, that is correct, I said Grandma. When I think of a Grandma I think of a sweet lady who likes tea, cookies and housecoats - not an outrageously scandalous bikini that doesn't support in the right places. Granted some Grandma's today look pretty good so please use the bikini at your own discretion
2) The "Hairy Scary" - Is that guy wearing a sweater on the beach? He must be hot...oh wait...that's not a sweater. Okay - let's take it upon ourselves to notice when it might be time to book that esthetics appointment so you are not scaring little ones on the beach
3) The "Is that person a local?" - How is it humanly possible that some people can tan themselves chocolate brown? Not to generalize but have you ever noticed it's usually someone who also might receive the seniors discount at the movie theatre? And why are they wearing Richard Simmons workout shorts? I don't get it
4) The "Banana hammock" - Please, Please...just say no - especially to the high cuts
5) The "Euro" - This was a name we collectively though of for those tight boy short bathing suits. The #1 offender was white as snow, looked like he was from Europe, didn't speak English and had a Burberry check print suit on. I'll never look at Burberry the same
6) The "Is she or isn't she" - Is that a baby bump, a post baby bump or did you just have a burger? Please avoid some possible awkward conversation moments and choose your suit wisely!
7) The "Cheek Eater" - I have never seen anything like it. It wasn't a thong and it wasn't a full bum but it certainly looked like she was going to have a hard time getting it off
8) The "Bring back the 80's multi-layer look" - I saw a lady wearing a beach cover up, water shoes and a neon pink wet suit vest over top, complete with visor. Her husband was also appropriately paired with a neon yellow t-shirt and shorts. Apparently the last time they were on the beach was in 1989
9) The "Please don't jump up and down" - I realize that you don't want tan lines but do you know they actually have very supportive strapless bathing suits?
10) The "Metallic Lover" - There is a time and a place for everything and the beach is no place for metallic
There we have it. Just my opinion - not intended to offend anyone - just to create an awareness of avoiding as much visual pollution as possible while on the beach! Thank you for your time.
4 comments:
Oh my gosh Holly. I just lauhed my head off...its so funny cause its true!! Too bad you can't have this posted in the travel sections of the newpapers or at least posted on all travel websites and agencies :) It is all about awareness and I thank you for this post :) heehee
hilarious!! welcome back! Hope you had an amazing trip!
please tell me you were tkaing pics of randoms on the beach...wish i could have been there to see you as thr photographer!
Of course I took the pictures! - although my new camera can shoot quite a range so none of the folks could see me do it!...or at least I don't think they did!
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